piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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