if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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