Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
