Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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