i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
