Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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