Even the bartender felt bad for me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
