Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
