I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
