the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
