I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
