Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
