Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
