pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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