Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
