you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
