and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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