if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
