You smell like a Billy Joel song
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
