Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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