brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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