Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
bring money and cleavage
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize