You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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