So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
