I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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