but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
