I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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