Quick, to the slutcave!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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