I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
