He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
