Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
