if only i could text you this smell
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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