We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
