I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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