i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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