when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
