Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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