Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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