I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
