Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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