Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize