sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
