i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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