i think my tv is drunk
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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