Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
