the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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