someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
