after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
