Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
