My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
