He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize