Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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