Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
