You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
