legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
