I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
