fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
