I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
