i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
