My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
