dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
