Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
