Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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