I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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