no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
