TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
