How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
