people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
