Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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