SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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