benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
