I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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