Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
