you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they're like a gay fantastic four
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
