What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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