This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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