Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
