Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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