she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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