i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
