I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
