For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
