He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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