I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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