I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love having hate sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
