I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
