Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
