in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that's an acceptable place to lick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
