My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
