Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
