Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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