I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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