It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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