I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
