What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
